If we're still on the same page

I'm going to be completely honest...

1) Okay, so yea I know we're on the wrong foot as of a few weeks ago, you're mad, and I'm annoyed...blah blah blah and that whole bit. But to be honest the one thing I really admire about you is your insightfulness. It lets me know we're on the same page and have a common understanding. You know who you are, because once again, we're on the same page. You know this is about you. But I'm not using names ...okay moving on I hate how you think that certain realities are pathetic, I don't understand that. I also admired that whatever awkward and yes, I guess pathetic relationship we had was different. I admire things out of the ordinary, and of course you know that. As for my beliefs on fate and destiny, it's getting old, you almost made me back away from that theory, but I refused, and still do. It's sad that I’ve fucked everything up again, I mean right after we talked about going to prom, our relationship, how things should be. But I also believe that if it's meant to be, and was right from the start it'll just fall into place and we'll be together and look back at this situation and laugh...But I think that wherever we are as of right now is just fine, and changing it is out of the question, because if it wasn't for whatever shit happened I wouldn't be writing this about you and letting you know it's about you.

2) I never answer your calls, and don't think I ever will again. We were "soul sisters" remember that? We established that in 7th grade. But I do miss you. You’re gorgeous, and it's sad that I also let go of this. Like I do with every other meaningful thing that crosses my path. A certain incident with a guy, a guy I’ll hardly ever see again, but you'll see him...next year...Westconn right? That one incident in fucking April ruined our friendship, and you could never let go of it. Was it worth it? Well yes it was, because if we were meant to be "soul sisters" the label you gave us, we would still be talking and hanging out, baking cakes from those Betty Crocker boxes, trick-or-treating in august, and doing all the other now meaningless things we used to do. But what really aggravates me is I can face the reality, we aren't close, we aren't friends, we don't talk, we don't hangout. But you? You cant, you still call me, and I still don’t answer your calls, and whenever I do, I ask you to hangout like back in the day, it's my last fucking shred of hope that maybe this time you'll follow through, but you shut me down. Then why do you call me? You want to talk? We're strangers now "babe" isn't that what you called me? I am not going to be there for you.

3) Does not exist

4) Me. I've reached my breaking point and know that the audience is just waiting for me to completely fall. I'm looking forward to that, I'm looking forward to them just laughing...crying. I'm on the fringe of things and it isn't getting any better. I'm done with trying to be happy, I mean I was happy 2 days ago, and it's clear to me now that happiness is short lived. What is happiness anyway? Viewing life in a positive perspective? Fuck that, there is no positive perspective when something different is always going wrong. So why bother. It's a bit too routine as of now. Stage 1: Is normal, I'm not happy I'm not sad, nothings good nothings bad. Stage 2: stress, regret, anger, frustration...anger, frustration. Stage 3: Is a daze, I don't feel alive, I don't feel a thing. Stage 4: I'm euphoric, feel the constant need to connect, feel the constant need to forgive, feel the constant need to connect, simply connect. Stage 5: Acknowledging that it's going to wear off, it's wearing off, it wore off.